Hair and Tattoo

My hair is sort of just, blah. It's been the same since my senior year in high school and I really want to do something different. I want red hair and I've been looking at undercuts. Undercuts look so lovely, but I feel like people need to have the hair and head for it. Both of which I do not have. Not to mention the red hair will look horrible on me and I'll end up crying and hiding my head in shame. However, I am going to do it. Even if it means that my mom will be disappointed in it.

I'm also thinking about getting another tattoo this summer. Where all this money is coming from? I don't know, but it's gonna happen. I want on my wrist, in times new roman, the words "Take Control". Why? This entire life that I've lived I have hardly done anything that I truly want to do and I think it's time for me to finally start taking control. I just need my parents to realize that I'm 20. Yes, I know, still young. They still treat me like I'm 12 though. I guess that's what I get for being the oldest. It's my life. Let me live it how I want to live it.

I don't want my parents dead. I don't want them gone. But I feel like if they were away and gone I would finally be able to do the things I want to do. Maybe that's harsh, but it's the truth.

I'm trying to be happy lately. Then my mom gets drunk at night and makes things worse all over again. I know she cares. But I wish she would care just a little less so I can figure things out about myself. Figure things out about my own life. Sometimes I feel like she is trying to live through me. I'm 20, I don't need to know what I want to do for the rest of my life just yet.

I'm not worried, but everyone else is.