Puppies at the Park

Just got home from taking my dogs to the park down the road. It's a nature park and I usually go there every once and awhile with my friends/boyfriend/dogs. Today I went with my boyfriend and my two dogs since it was nice out for once. I think the rain decided to take a day off! We weren't out long because my dogs really weren't all that interested in being there. It also didn't help that I wore a dress and sat in the grass. I ended up having seven bites all on my thighs and father up. They hurt and itch terribly!

The Tattoo I Want

http://bestsoylatte.blogspot.com/2011/05/tattoo-tuesday_24.html

This is the tattoo I want. I want a forearm tattoo and I want a feather tattoo. To me a feather has a lot of symbolism and the fact that it is on my arm is a constant reminded of what I want.

http://www.imglego.co.cc/Others/blue-feather.html

Hair and Tattoo

My hair is sort of just, blah. It's been the same since my senior year in high school and I really want to do something different. I want red hair and I've been looking at undercuts. Undercuts look so lovely, but I feel like people need to have the hair and head for it. Both of which I do not have. Not to mention the red hair will look horrible on me and I'll end up crying and hiding my head in shame. However, I am going to do it. Even if it means that my mom will be disappointed in it.

I'm also thinking about getting another tattoo this summer. Where all this money is coming from? I don't know, but it's gonna happen. I want on my wrist, in times new roman, the words "Take Control". Why? This entire life that I've lived I have hardly done anything that I truly want to do and I think it's time for me to finally start taking control. I just need my parents to realize that I'm 20. Yes, I know, still young. They still treat me like I'm 12 though. I guess that's what I get for being the oldest. It's my life. Let me live it how I want to live it.

I don't want my parents dead. I don't want them gone. But I feel like if they were away and gone I would finally be able to do the things I want to do. Maybe that's harsh, but it's the truth.

I'm trying to be happy lately. Then my mom gets drunk at night and makes things worse all over again. I know she cares. But I wish she would care just a little less so I can figure things out about myself. Figure things out about my own life. Sometimes I feel like she is trying to live through me. I'm 20, I don't need to know what I want to do for the rest of my life just yet.

I'm not worried, but everyone else is.

Photos and the Past Days

Here are a few pictures I finally got around to editing. Since my laptop is broken I don't have access to photoshop unless my boyfriend leaves his mac for me to use. So today I edited a few pictures. I would have done more, but I wasn't feeling a lot of them.

This week I haven't done much. I sat around the house all day and hardly had human contact outside of my family and boyfriend. I'm making it my mission to do something this week. It stinks because I still only have $2 in the bank. I didn't get paid for some reason. I'll ask them about it tomorrow when I'm working. It's driving me crazy that I can't even afford a coffee let alone a social life.

Two gifs of myself

Finally figured out how to get my boyfriend's photoshop working in 32bit. Of course I have nothing to gif so I decided just to gif myself with some newly installed effects for his photo booth on his mac. i must say i need one of these fancy laptops. they make me happy.

Books and Things

Today I started "Will Grayson, Will Grayson" by, John Green and David Levithan. I borrowed it from the library about a week ago and just picked it up. I read the first chapter in a matter of minutes and I can instantly tell from the start of both chapter one and chapter two that I am going to like this book. I hope so at least. I've heard about John Green from a bunch of people saying he's a good author, but I never read anything of his. Never heard of David Levithan, but the book bio says he is a New York Times Bestseller. I'll take their word for it. This is going to be book three of the summer. Unless I finish "The Amber Spyglass" first.

I am now working more shifts at Chili's. Monday mornings, Wednesday morning, and Saturday nights. As much as I hate my job there, I'm excited to finally start making money. I smoked on the roof of my high school last Saturday after work with: Courtney, Alice, and Ashley. Below is a picture of the 20 foot ladder Alice and I carried from her house to the school. Luckily she lives right on the corner so it wasn't much of a hike. A pain in the ass though. We sat up there until about 3am-ish. Smoking. Eating. Living.

My mother thinks I have some sort of mental issue. She thinks I'm bipolar and that the people she asks their opinions about me being it are just in denial. At least I know she is being serious about getting me help. I cannot wait to get help. She also does not believe that I want to go to school anymore. Yeah, I hate school. I know I need to go though to make a living for myself. I have no real talents and I do not plan to waste my life away working at Chili's for the rest of my life. I think I would off myself before I let that happen.